Need some extra income or some holiday gift ideas?

If not for the seemingly fruitless search for my driver's license and my transit card (lost after a night of drinking over the weekend, and unable to be replaced because the world hates me) I may never have discovered such a bountiful treasure trove as the inside of our second-hand hideous sofa. Mind you, we inherited this sofa with the apartment and have not yet managed to replace it, so do not just assume we have terrible taste in furnishings.

I digress.

Whilst digging in the aforementioned sofa, I realized I could feel things down under the seat part but could not reach them. My solution? Flip that sumbitch over and remove that shitty cobwebby fabric that they always attach under there. No, I did not find my holy grail, but what i DID find was a plethora of interesting things... AND MONEY!!

After I separated out the items from the 50 pounds of crumbs and scraps of paper, I decided to arrange them for the purposes of photographing. I shall share those here.







For that person on your list who is not fortunate enough to have their own washer/dryer, you could give a roll of quarters.

For the handyman, there is an excellent set of allen wrenches.

Maybe you know someone who likes to bind things together... Rubber bands are perfect for just that thing!

Is there someone on your list who has hair or perhaps just someone who likes to pick locks? Bobby-pins are the answer!

Know anyone who needs to write things down and occasionally emphasize or even make them permanent? A set of pens, highlighters and Sharpie markers could be just the solution! BONUS: You could even use one of these writing instruments to create your shopping list AND to check it off! I know I love me some Sharpies and gel pens as much as I love making lists.

Personally, I was hoping to find some Fat Tire or Budweiser in the couch as well (though fresher and with the caps still intact), so it would be lovely to discover those in my Christmas stocking. I'm looking at you, New Belgium and Anheuser-Busch. (Though you Goose Island and New Glarus people would be equally appreciated.)

Now, if you're really lucky, you may be able to stop at the vending machine outside your local dollar store and pop those remaining nickels and dimes in there to get yourself a refreshing generic soda.

Happy Holidays, y'all!