Action Plan

In light of a lot of recent (and ongoing) issues and setbacks, I have renewed my drive to get things on track.

I know I have just allowed things to get completely out of control and buried my head in the sand, which is really getting me nowhere good.

So I have taken some time to research, looking up advice and tips for succeeding at the various things I want to accomplish. Then I started a little journal where I am tracking everything I do in a day. Activities, money spent, accomplishments from my to-do list, likes and dislikes, diet, sleep, and then i write out my feelings about each of those things (i.e. should i have done something differently and if so, how?) so I can gauge my perception of overall progress on a more constant basis. This should help keep me from just blanketing it all with, "I am trying but it still sucks and nothing is changing."

I have a few short-term goals I want to achieve, so I made rules about what I can and cannot do until those goals are met. For one, until I find a new apartment, I will not be drinking any alcohol. Not only does this save me money, but it also keeps me from going home, having a cocktail and then not following through with the rest of my scheduled evening's action items. Furthermore, given the stress and emotional rawness of my current life, alcohol only increases my sadness or anger. When I am happy, I can drink socially and be enjoyable, so I want to make a point to wait until I can get back to that.

I don't know if this plan will work, but I have hope.

i don't even

know where to begin with anything.

i keep thinking that i used to know how to handle everything, that i knew solutions to problems that hadn't even come up yet.

now?

i feel lost. like i have been lost for years, maybe a decade.

i guess i was kidding myself all along.

the only people who can be trusted are those who aren't allowed to know you.

a lie leads to more lies.

truth is, i'm scared to have anything go well, because then something else can be taken from me.