also,

heeeeeyyyyyy Ryan! you're still welcome around here.

for those 2 people who still check to see if i've updated... 2 years later...

i guess i will post something, though not really for/about them. i've been "home" for over half a year. a place i call home but that has never felt as though it belongs to me. i've met some "new" people who are really just people who already know people i haven't spoken to in years, because that's what fucking happens in this godforsaken shithole where i am never allowed to grow. i met someone new, mostly new, someone who didn't know me the way that everyone else knows me. i met him and he was the right mix of indifferent and trying to point out the ways he fit into the complications of my life. i shrugged him off for a while, despite his pretty eyes, because he's younger and we have some differences of moral/fundamental opinions. eventually, those things didn't seem to come up and made it feel as though they didn't matter as much as i had thought. we spent some brief times together, always with a task at hand, never with the freedom to explore anything beyond paint finishes. i got sloppy. i always do. and i now spend way too much time wishing he was my person. the one who would be here to cuddle my sickly frame tonight. happy now? i updated this shit, so you can go and discuss my hypothetical boob jobs and that time i went to space because i blew someone at NASA, since that's what you assholes all like to believe. no, i don't have feelings, unless they're in my genitals, right? please, just go the fuck away.